T’was the night before Christmas when all through the townhouse

Were strewn Legos and Cheerios and laundry all about

If Santa thinks the house isn’t quite clean enough

He can do it himself when he drops off the stuff

 

There were Pillsbury slice and bake cookies prepared

Will St. Nick be impressed?  Probably not, but who cares

The kids were at last in their IKEA bunks for the night

Following a small skirmish—OK a big fight!

 

“The shepherds and wise men should stand in a neat line

Facing Mary and Jesus with Joseph tucked behind”

“He’s the Lord,” screamed the middle child—a circle’s the thing

With Christ in the center so all can see the baby king”

 

Each yelled in his turn where the Prince of Peace should lay

And lo the nativity scene went flying in the midst of the fray

“Up to bed—NOW!” was my gentle request

“This really is no time to get PMS”

 

I drug myself up the stairs to the bed

Dove in and pulled the covers up over my head

I had just dozed off when I heard a big crash

Probably those big rats again in the trash

 

So I nudged my hubby to go check out the noise

“Not tonight, dear,” he mumbled. “We’ve got a girl and three boys.”

I said, “I’ll go check,” as he continued to snore

So I went downstairs and looked out the back door.

 

The sight that I saw caught me quite by surprise

Not rats at all, but St. Nick in disguise

He wore navy Dockers and top siders for shoes

And a Tommy Hilfiger polo in green and blue hues

 

There he was sprawled out on his back

I knew it was Santa because of his sack

I cracked open the door and stuck out my head

“I’ve fallen and I can’t get up,” he said.

 

“I fear I must do something I really do hate

It seems I’ve been injured…I must litigate.”

There was no jolly suit all done up in red

No, his suit was to be filed in court instead

 

“My lawyer’s Larry F. Parker, and he’ll fight for me.

After all, it was at work I sustained injury.

This Tonka truck you left right here in my path

Caused the tumble which seriously injured my back.”

 

We heard a loud engine and both turned to see

His eyes filled with panic as he looked toward the street

“That’s my hummer you’re towing…you don’t know who I am”

And despite his bad back, he jumped right up and ran

 

“Where’s your sleigh,” I called, thinking “This is shady”

“Come on, get real.  This is Southern Cal lady.”

So away flew Santa on this warm Christmas night

Chasing his hummer as it was towed out of sight. 

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